Musings on the Bible: Self judgement

Have you ever told someone something they didn't want to hear? Some people will take it well, understanding that you are just trying to help them. Other people blow up at you. Why is that?

In the Bible, Nathan the Prophet comes to David in his palace, and tells him a story. The story has a rich man, who has many lambs, stealing the lamb of a poor man, who has only one. When David hears the story, he grows very angry, and says the rich thief must be put to death for this crime. Then, Nathan reveals that the story is about David himself. David's reaction is to confess his crime, admitting it not only to those around him, but to God, and to himself.

Why is that so important? Well, when someone does something wrong, they often know that what they did was wrong. Most people don't want to admit that they have done something wrong, however. Of course, if you tell them what is wrong, then it brings it to a crisis. They must choose to continue to do wrong, in order to justify what they have done, or accept that it was wrong, and move on.

When someone chooses to justify what they did, they are furthering their wrong. They lie. They react angrily to people who have nothing to do with the wrong that was done. They will sometimes even do the wrong thing again, thinking that if they got away from it once, they can get away with it again. Or, they do the same thing again, in order to cover up what they did wrong in the first place.

David's reaction tells us a lot about his nature. He knew what he did was wrong. Someone told him a story, similar to what he had done, and he had judged the man in the story as being in the wrong. Rather then compound his wrong with more lies, deceptions, and wrongs, he owned up to what he had done, and bowed to God's judgement. Because of this, Nathan told David that God had taken away his guilt and judged that he would not die.

Let's look a moment at the way David could have reacted. He was the king. He could have ordered his men to carry Nathan away and kill him. His commanders would not have hesitated. They were complicit in the murder of Urriah.

People who act angry with you for judging them, are not: They are angry because they have already judged themselves, and they would rather you not bring it up. They have already looked at their own circumstances, realized that what they are doing is wrong, and decided to do nothing about it. If you tell someone something they don't want to hear, and they react badly, then there is only a few things you can do.

Simply step away from the situation, and stay out of it. This doesn't work if the wrong they are committing is criminal in nature, but should be dealt with in another way.

Keep loving them. Tell them you are worried for their well-being, and that you are praying for them. Do not help them continue destructive behaviors, however.

Pray for them. This is important. Only two people in all the world can speak to a person who has hardened their heart against their wrongs: The person themself, and God. God will not make you change, but He can't be silenced, either.

Look to your own life. Make sure you aren't being hypocritical, and trying to give instruction in an area of life where you yourself are doing wrong, or falling short. If you are, you may be a weak witness to this person. Fix your own life first, and let others help the person in the meantime. This doesn't mean don't love them, or pray for them. It just means don't hold yourself up as an example, if your example is no better then theirs.